just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
