ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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