1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
