I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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