I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
