What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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