my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
