Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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