3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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