We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
