Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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