oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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