What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
