I can tuck mytits in my pants
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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