She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
