if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
