I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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