it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
