I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
