you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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