I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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