I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize