let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
