it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
