Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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