she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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