Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
