I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
