I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
