Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
