I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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