Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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