Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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