He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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