yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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