this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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