Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
