i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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