You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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