I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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