Texts From Last Night

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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

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  (204): Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding. http://tfl.nu/e8lb
  Replies (19) Good night (1104) Bad night (5910)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.

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  (704): "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization. http://tfl.nu/xva8
  Replies (24) Good night (4146) Bad night (925)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen

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  (919): i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen http://tfl.nu/az2y
  Replies (29) Good night (5383) Bad night (761)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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  (954): I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago. http://tfl.nu/vwsn
  Replies (59) Good night (4995) Bad night (787)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.

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  (215): he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon. http://tfl.nu/6d9i
  Replies (13) Good night (7034) Bad night (1084)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.

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  (740): I am planning my day around naps and lesbians. http://tfl.nu/iw15
  Replies (6) Good night (3280) Bad night (799)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!

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  (702): Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one! http://tfl.nu/ayyz
  Replies (3) Good night (928) Bad night (376)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.

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  (770): I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid. http://tfl.nu/3jns
  Replies (2) Good night (1410) Bad night (337)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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  (501): I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit. http://tfl.nu/ez6v
  Replies (0) Good night (891) Bad night (311)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.

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  (850): For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot. http://tfl.nu/k004
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (302)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.

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  (775): Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno. http://tfl.nu/rdsm
  Replies (2) Good night (1190) Bad night (307)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left

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  (775): FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left http://tfl.nu/965v
  Replies (7) Good night (393) Bad night (1107)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!

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  (551): I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?! http://tfl.nu/sdve
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (269)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus

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  (740): we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus http://tfl.nu/ulnv
  Replies (0) Good night (580) Bad night (260)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.

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  (718): Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again. http://tfl.nu/lmop
  Replies (2) Good night (420) Bad night (440)

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