You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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