Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.