South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw