Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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  (760): i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them http://tfl.nu/jlgr
  Replies (7) Good night (592) Bad night (1729)
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  (585): View more from New York

  we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.

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  (585): we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things. http://tfl.nu/92xs
  Replies (43) Good night (3263) Bad night (727)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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  (519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y
  Replies (22) Good night (1437) Bad night (3083)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.

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  (803): I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out. http://tfl.nu/rwiz
  Replies (10) Good night (766) Bad night (3784)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

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  (216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e
  Replies (32) Good night (1115) Bad night (4023)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

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  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (1184) Bad night (6361)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place

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  (360): im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place http://tfl.nu/ws4h
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (2933)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.

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  (816): Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster. http://tfl.nu/ox02
  Replies (26) Good night (5948) Bad night (1095)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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  (425): He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that. http://tfl.nu/0n60
  Replies (9) Good night (2888) Bad night (801)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

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  (775): I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life http://tfl.nu/gkf7
  Replies (1) Good night (1497) Bad night (854)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.

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  (605): Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me. http://tfl.nu/wtwx
  Replies (8) Good night (1286) Bad night (562)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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  (812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe
  Replies (4) Good night (1304) Bad night (353)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho

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  (+61): And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho http://tfl.nu/t3gn
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (308)
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  (646): View more from New York

  classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable

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  (646): classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable http://tfl.nu/pp5h
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (258)
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  (916): View more from California

  She's not a foreskin expert like you

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  (916): She's not a foreskin expert like you http://tfl.nu/02y6
  Replies (0) Good night (285) Bad night (512)

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