So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.