I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
