I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
