my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He did a backflip because drugs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
