all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
