your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
