oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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