you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
