Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
