Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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