my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize