why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
