there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
