She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
