Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
