My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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